Three nice things after a shit night’s sleep

It was fine until 3.58am, when my little lad needed a piss. This is progress. Better than the wet beds of just a few months ago. But there was residual anxiety in my gut, and it kicked up when I laid back down.

That was it. A massive ladle full of worry soup. Everything from mortality to a remembered – and potentially missed vet appointment. They charge for those n’all.

I called a friend this morning because I’d levered myself up to a workable energy level, but still felt extremely fragile, and a friendly voice, who knows what it’s like to live with this kind of loopy brain, was required. He helped. He knows what I mean and assured me we’ll get there.

Coming off the phone I felt vacant, and now had to confront a swollen to-do list, some of which requires using my brain and my creativity.

I said it recently – there is value in adversity – but it’s not sustainable to create over a longer period while under siege. In that moment, I didn’t know where the resilience to create was going to come from. But three nice things happened that showed me.

The first task was to pop into the local computer repair shop. I’d called up the owner, who’d done some work on my laptop and fixed my printer, to see if the now-missing printer cables had been left there. They hadn’t, but he told me to come by anyway, as he tends to have things lying around what is a high street electronic graveyard. And either way, they sell them.

In the spirit of supporting local business, I popped in. He smiled and handed me the two cables under the glass screen over the counter. Not mine, but spares, which he said I could keep.

Then a little boy smiling at my dog just down the street. I stopped and offered up a stroke of my border terrier, and his little face shone with glee.

And finally a nice ‘hello’ from a member of staff at the cafe I choose to go write in, for fear of dozing off at home and not getting the work done.

By the time I sat down upstairs, a seed of optimism and acceptance has sprouted and begins to wind around that horrible lingering belly full of nerves, and I’m able to create.