It’s Easy to Forget

It's incredible how the clueless graduate pops up no matter how long I rack up as an artist.

After a challenging couple of years on the commission front, I Hook a decent job to transform the first quarter of 2025 from a reasonably improved one into a decent one. The brief is a good fit, the client genuinely excited to work with me, and I them, but after the first day, I realise I've reverted to my BTEC college self, tensing up, drawing like a fucking robot - stiff, lifeless, far too perfect to be interesting. Then when the feedback confirms it, I scuttle into the kitchen, whining to my wife about the chances of now being dropped. She assures me, with a smirk, that this is highly unlikely, that this is a part of the process.

And I know it.

I discussed it just yesterday for an upcoming podcast episode with Zorana Ivcevic Pringle, a scientist who studies creativity and author of The Creativity Choice.

I've even helped my coaching clients with this issue many times over. But here I am, melting down.

It's creative self efficacy.

Our self belief in our ability, despite inevitable moments of fear, doubt, and uncertainty. The data shows that this is lowest, no matter the experience of the individual, at the beginning of a project. Highest by the end. Blocks, changes, side quests, they're all built into creativity's system. I know this, but I freak out anyway. It's also about acknowledging these salty emotions and walking that sap self to a stronger place from which to power on through.